DONATIONS SOLICITED FOR G. W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY
Tuesday, January 9, 2009

Dear Fellow Constituent:

The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and
accepting donations. The Library will include:

The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.
The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.
The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.
The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.
The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.
The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling
The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.
The Iraq War Room. (After you complete your first visit, they make you to go
back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth visit.)
The Dick Cheney Room, in an undisclosed location, with shotgun gallery.
The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.
The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican
Senators.
The Decider Room, complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice,
coins, straws, pretzels, and one-way communications to a higher father.
The Supreme Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.

The library will be richly decorated with inscriptions of quotations from
Mr. Bush's public appearances:
"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.'"
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and
child."
"'No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs
and medicine."
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy
-- but that could change."
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one
word is 'to be prepared."
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the
future."
"The future will be better tomorrow."
"'We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic
pictures" (during an education photo-op).
"'Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having
it."'
"'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it."
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." George W. Bush to Sam
Donaldson.

Note: The library will feature an electron microscope to help you locate
and view the President's accomplishments.

PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!